Saturday, September 12, 2009
You can always tell how trendy a club is by the number of boldface names have been seen there recently. If a club’s hot, you’re bound to have heard of Paris, Lindsay and at least one Kardashian hanging out there. And some purveyor of overpriced vodka flavored with a weird fruit has chosen this venue for a PR party. Another dead giveaway is the imposing bouncer/doorman out front, keeping the hoi polloi safely behind the velvet rope, while the latest cable network reality star is ushered in.
If you’re judged to be cool enough, or toss the doorman a big tip, venture inside to breathe deeply of the hipness. Or whatever that funny smell is, wafting in from the patio. Make your first stop the bar, where you can wait until an unemployed actor posing as a bartender deigns to serve you a $12 vodka martini. If you’re lucky and he’s in a good mood, it may even have some vodka in it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I’m skipping the overexposed acts like Britney, Miley, Madonna etc., who actually work. These played-out losers can’t sell tickets, or much of anything else. If they all disappeared tomorrow, no one would miss them.
The Hills mediahos Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have managed to keep themselves in the spotlight way after their 15 minutes should be up. What’s next—the sex tape, The 911 call for domestic violence, or the “trial separation?”
2. Paris Hilton
She’s been the ultimate famous-for-nothing celeb for years now, and never gets any more interesting. She goes shopping, she poses for photos, repeat.
3.The Hulk Hogan Family
These inbred morons give white trash a bad name. They manage to make usually juicy subjects like infidelity, jail time, dating teenagers and pole dancing boring.
4. Pamela Anderson
She looked good in a swimsuit on TV about 20 years ago, but hasn’t done anything since to distract us from how badly she’s aging.
5. Lindsay Lohan
It’s hard to remember when she actually had a career, since she allowed her personal life to be the only drama that makes news.
6. Jessica Simpson
Has anyone else flopped so badly at so many things? After pop music, country music, acting and marriage, what’s left for her to fail at?
7. David Hasselhoff
Another Baywatch alum who only gets his name in the news when he makes a fool of himself drinking. His next "career move" will be a rehab reality show.
8. Danny Bonaduce
Yeah, he was a cute little kid on The Partridge Family, but his shelf life was over about 30 years ago.
9. Janice Dickinson
Another has-been who should have been put out to pasture a couple of decades ago, before she could embarrass herself any more.
10.Any celebuspawn on a reality show
Kim Kardashian, Brody Jenner, Sean Stewart, etc. When did just being born make you talented?